It's almost been 3 yrs since I wrote this post http://www.blabberings.com/2008/11/loneliness-coffee-shop.html,probably the same amount of time since I wrote anything but was just thinking how some of the words still hold true.Specifically:
“remember that moment in fountainhead (ayn rand) where Howard Roark meets Steve Mallory for the first time & ask’s him –“what do you think?” Not “how are you” or “how’s life?” but” what do you think?”…& that’s exactly what I feel. Somebody who can ask me what am I thinking. Listen without being judgmental or concerned, just interested. With whom there is no context, no excuse-that I know them from work, or a friend from college, or somebody I met somewhere - its just a stranger in a coffee shop! Who talks because he/she is interested .
Two human beings in respect for each other’s thoughts; souls-just talking, entertaining & more importantly sharing .”
Obviously the possibility of having this kind if conversation with a random stranger in a coffee house is almost idyllic.
But the unfortunate bit is that even among people we know-friends,relatives,acquaintances etc it’s so so rare & yet strangely it’s what most of us love for crave the most (girls may call it ‘heart to heart conversations’,’gossip’ ;guys may prefer the less touchy-feely labels like chatting or connecting up) .Looking back at any of the equations we shared,it’s usually not the quantity of time but these moments that we remember the most.
Yet whenever I talk,interact with someone there seems to be a lot of ‘holding back’.Trying to judge,evaluate what is the opportune time to say something-it may be saying something which is bothering you,things which one is going through,dreams about work/life or even a selfish agenda. We seem to be so scared of putting ourselves out there & afraid that we will be misjudged,loose an opportunity or just usually uncomfortable to be honest.Which is strange bcoz if that’s what we think isn’t it intrinsic to who we are & aren’t we loosing more of ourselves by not being honest about our thoughts.
Personally when I look back the most beautiful conversations I have had are honest,straight conversations. Whether they were with a certain person (this post is not about romance so we wont get into it), close friends & sister,an auto driver (this guy was a reformed convict from Tihar & had now become quite spiritual),my barber (18-20 yr old guy who had fallen in love with this girl from another caste & for some reason he started telling me about it) etc etc. Those conversations were real,honest..more human. And as far as I know myself when I talk with anyone I usually don’t hold back..to the extent I am accused of being ‘too honest’ (Never understood how one can be ‘too honest’ either you are or you arent but since so many people have said it,I have kind of accepted it as part of who I am)
I don’t expect most of us to start talking to every random stranger everything that is on our minds.Even with people we know probably it’s a gradual process ..but the thing is one need not wait for the time when you are too drunk,going through emotional turmoil,angry,ecstatic etc. Worse one need not do the random BS small talk we seem to becoming more adept at.
We seem to be wasting too much time ,life seem’s too short for that….I would prefer taking that leap of faith in our emotions, in humankind.
PS-Probably this post is quite random but hey the title of the blog is ‘blabberings’ .Leaving with the video with one of the most beautiful movies on having real conversations…